Interesting. When my mother died my father needed support in his grief. He talked about her, about his total disorientation and cried privately. Other than within the family, he kept his troubles and grief private.
We are a large family. Plus we have many friends. At my mother’s funeral I did not cry because I knew that if I did it would cause so many others to cry too and it would be difficult for my father to retain his lonely and sad composure. So nobody cried publicly. When other family members have passed through the veil we have maintained the same stance. Plus as family members we speak at the funerals of our loved ones. After all we know them better than the officiating priests. After my husband died a woman stopped me and said
” You don’t seem very bothered that your husband’s died” No I didn’t attack her!
So. Because as a family we don’t express our grief openly other than amongst ourselves and that more through reminiscing and laughing about family happenings. We all understand that processing our reactions to events is a private affair, so I can understand people, both male and female who keep their griefs and sadnesses to themselves . My mother’s sayings included “ A trouble shared is a trouble doubled. People do not need to be partakers in your problems or the griefs that are yours”.
Surprisingly we are a very emotional family and are very close to one another, plus we support and spend time with one another. Maybe a lot of problems today stem from having few close family members or friends and are not only because men process their griefs differently. We have, after all, become the inheritors of a society that does not prioritise actual, physical meet-ups and spending actual personal time with each other.
Wowser that video was fabulous, not only for the understanding of grief but for the very real portrayal of it. Still crying about coach but your excellent explanation of dealing with grief for both sexes is something to always carry.
Damn I cried plenty watching this.
An excellent story that makes its point profoundly!
Interesting. When my mother died my father needed support in his grief. He talked about her, about his total disorientation and cried privately. Other than within the family, he kept his troubles and grief private.
We are a large family. Plus we have many friends. At my mother’s funeral I did not cry because I knew that if I did it would cause so many others to cry too and it would be difficult for my father to retain his lonely and sad composure. So nobody cried publicly. When other family members have passed through the veil we have maintained the same stance. Plus as family members we speak at the funerals of our loved ones. After all we know them better than the officiating priests. After my husband died a woman stopped me and said
” You don’t seem very bothered that your husband’s died” No I didn’t attack her!
So. Because as a family we don’t express our grief openly other than amongst ourselves and that more through reminiscing and laughing about family happenings. We all understand that processing our reactions to events is a private affair, so I can understand people, both male and female who keep their griefs and sadnesses to themselves . My mother’s sayings included “ A trouble shared is a trouble doubled. People do not need to be partakers in your problems or the griefs that are yours”.
Surprisingly we are a very emotional family and are very close to one another, plus we support and spend time with one another. Maybe a lot of problems today stem from having few close family members or friends and are not only because men process their griefs differently. We have, after all, become the inheritors of a society that does not prioritise actual, physical meet-ups and spending actual personal time with each other.
Wowser that video was fabulous, not only for the understanding of grief but for the very real portrayal of it. Still crying about coach but your excellent explanation of dealing with grief for both sexes is something to always carry.
I watched that video a few weeks ago when it was first published. It was very moving.
It lead me to this substack.
Thank you, Tom & thank you, Gabby.