From The Way Men Heal (Second Edition)
The following excerpt is reproduced exactly as it appears in the published Second Edition of The Way Men Heal. Before each installment, I’ll share some of the stories, experiences, and newer insights that have shaped my thinking since the book was written.
Looking Back
This excerpt completes the introduction to The Way Men Heal. In it, I briefly mention the cross-cultural grief research that so profoundly changed my understanding of men and healing.
What I didn’t include in the book is that shortly after discovering those anthropological studies, I encountered someone who helped me see those findings in a much richer and more personal way.
His name was Malidoma Somé, and he remains one of the most fascinating people I have ever met.
Malidoma was born among the Dagara people of Burkina Faso in West Africa. At the age of four, he was abducted from his village by Jesuit missionaries and raised in a Western educational system. Sixteen years later, he escaped and found his way back to his people.
By then, however, he faced an extraordinary challenge. The young men of his age had already undergone the tribe’s initiation rituals—rites of passage that marked the transition into adulthood. Malidoma had received none of the needed preparation.
The elders faced a difficult decision. Should they allow him to attempt the initiation anyway?
They did.
After enduring tremendous challenges, he completed the initiation and was welcomed back as a full member of his people.
That unusual life journey gave Malidoma something very few people possess: a deep understanding of both traditional African culture and the modern Western world. He became an extraordinary bridge between those two ways of seeing life.
One story he told has stayed with me ever since.
A man from the Dagara tribe came to visit him in New York City. As they walked through the streets, the visitor looked around at the crowds rushing in every direction and quietly asked:
“Why is everyone running when no one is chasing them?”
I’ve never forgotten that question.