Of course men don't deserve understand and support. They are too busy doing their job by supporting women. One curious thing is that although we all are supposed to rush to help women and girls, women and girls are always seen as stronger than men and boys. They are victimized by us, so of course we have to atone for our offenses but taking care of them. A tremendous talk, Tom, especially your comments about what therapists really want to do--take care of women!
Thanks Allen. It is amazing when you take a non-gynocentric view of things to see the attitudes of many therapists focusing on the needs of women and the responsibilities of men. It is so common place that no one notices.
Interesting. This obviously applies to race in the American context as well. Exist as a black woman in the US if you want to know what it's like for no one to care about your feelings!
I should add, I always understood 'toxic masculinity' to be well, 'toxic,' aka 'rape culture.' I've not heard it used in any serious manner to refer to normalized sterotypical male traits such as competition. Finally, just thinking out loud, but if it is true that men have numerous innate traits that make it difficult for them to connect with others on a deep level and build the emotional supports all humans need to flourish, how can that be helped?
Interesting point about race. I don't think any of the research that has been done has included race as a variable. Good point though and would be interesting to see this looked into.
The toxic masculinity phrase is often used in a global sense that denigrates masculinity. Nearly all of the masculine traits that just 50 years ago were admired and respected are now seen as suspect. I don't think it is that men have innate traits that keep them from connecting I think it is more that people innately turn away from men in emotional pain automatically.
I'd love to see the list of the 50 traits if there is one but 'competition' and 'hierarchy' are two things that come to mind from the video. Those are pretty antithetical to deep relationships. Unless we've specifically set aside time to play games, (which rarely happens), my girlfriends, sisters, and I have nothing of the sort in mind. I can only speak for myself at this stage in life but I treat men like...humans(!) If something bad happens, they're getting the same, "Oh my God are you ok?" that the women in my lives are. The problem is, straight men rarely answer honestly! (The gay ones are ususally ready to get it all off their chests at the drop of a hat. lol)
Anyways, ended up here from a comment posted on Richard Reeves Of Boys and Men blog. Policy changes are much easier to make than socio-emotional ones. And policy doesn't come easy! Here's hoping humanity can come together rather than fracture further!
Excellent analysis! Love your work!
Thanks Dianne.
Of course men don't deserve understand and support. They are too busy doing their job by supporting women. One curious thing is that although we all are supposed to rush to help women and girls, women and girls are always seen as stronger than men and boys. They are victimized by us, so of course we have to atone for our offenses but taking care of them. A tremendous talk, Tom, especially your comments about what therapists really want to do--take care of women!
Thanks Allen. It is amazing when you take a non-gynocentric view of things to see the attitudes of many therapists focusing on the needs of women and the responsibilities of men. It is so common place that no one notices.
Interesting. This obviously applies to race in the American context as well. Exist as a black woman in the US if you want to know what it's like for no one to care about your feelings!
I should add, I always understood 'toxic masculinity' to be well, 'toxic,' aka 'rape culture.' I've not heard it used in any serious manner to refer to normalized sterotypical male traits such as competition. Finally, just thinking out loud, but if it is true that men have numerous innate traits that make it difficult for them to connect with others on a deep level and build the emotional supports all humans need to flourish, how can that be helped?
Interesting point about race. I don't think any of the research that has been done has included race as a variable. Good point though and would be interesting to see this looked into.
The toxic masculinity phrase is often used in a global sense that denigrates masculinity. Nearly all of the masculine traits that just 50 years ago were admired and respected are now seen as suspect. I don't think it is that men have innate traits that keep them from connecting I think it is more that people innately turn away from men in emotional pain automatically.
I'd love to see the list of the 50 traits if there is one but 'competition' and 'hierarchy' are two things that come to mind from the video. Those are pretty antithetical to deep relationships. Unless we've specifically set aside time to play games, (which rarely happens), my girlfriends, sisters, and I have nothing of the sort in mind. I can only speak for myself at this stage in life but I treat men like...humans(!) If something bad happens, they're getting the same, "Oh my God are you ok?" that the women in my lives are. The problem is, straight men rarely answer honestly! (The gay ones are ususally ready to get it all off their chests at the drop of a hat. lol)
Anyways, ended up here from a comment posted on Richard Reeves Of Boys and Men blog. Policy changes are much easier to make than socio-emotional ones. And policy doesn't come easy! Here's hoping humanity can come together rather than fracture further!
Thanks Jamie. You are so right.