The argument usually goes something like this: Feminist discusses domestic violence with an emphasis on men being the problem. The MRA responds that men are indeed victims of domestic violence and yet they don't have any services available when they are victimized. Feminist says that men are only a tiny fraction of the victims. Then she gets read the research quoted by her own feminists, that says men are at least a third of the victims. It's at this point that the magic happens. What does she say?
The rape crisis service in my town was created in the late seventies after a group of women, including two of my aunts, approached selected men and talked them into creating the service for them. One of those men, a solicitor, provided free legal legwork for the organisation for over forty years. For more than half of it's lifetime male victims were excluded from the service.
At the forty year celebration we ran an exercise in which everybody lined up according to how long they'd been involved. The three longest serving members were all male, the solicitor I mentioned, one of the counselors and myself as a volunteer/board member.
Great graphics, Tom. It seems almost impossible to hold women responsible for anything in relation either to women or to men. As to who built what, I guess we need a presidential heavy-weight to answer "You didn't build that!"
At the most! I think lighter boxers are flyweight or bantamweight, Tom. Flyweight would work in the present case. Antweight would be good, too! At 135 lbs the designation is still neutral, lightweight--neutral-sounding, anyway, because we have heavyweight and middleweight above them. Then, under 135, we get into featherweight and other designations that have overtones, bantam weight and flyweight.
Else they would have accomplished that already and therefore it’s really the men who allow and tacitly ENCOURAGE this insanity. Women start it and men allow it. Sounds like it’s insurmountable!
Someone once said, “there are no feminists in a foxhole” and maybe with this coming war, and females being drafted, we will see if it’s true.
But even if men at that time decided to not help those toxic feminists (to give them a taste of their own medicine) they will still be blamed for not ‘stepping-up’ and helping the damsel in distress’ as men are only good for their utilitarian abilities. Stupid, stupid men for allowing this insanity to take hold!
Tom, I used to be Jewish. I walked away several years ago, when I realized that Jewish institutions have been captured by feminism. Lately, I have written to several Jewish organizations to point out the feminist frauds regarding domestic violence, but not one of them has written back.
Sadly Frank what you are saying is not a surprise to me. People are convinced of their own view of the world and facts be damned! It is a very odd situation.
I can understand this. A Jewish feminist would be like putting salt on anchovies. As an example, the Jewish statutes regarding marriage and intimacy. My very existence perhaps depended upon such a romantic gynocentric sonnet.
I need more space. But is writing the only platform? I am available for video conversations. And naturally don't mind inviting myself. I'll even throw in a song.
Another thought is that the cartoons are both incomplete. The cartoon of the woman's problems should show the me actively helping to push the cart down hill to assist the woman. The cartoon of the man facing the challenge should show a large number of woman pushing AGAINST the cart the man is pushing up hill while yelling "women's rights" while other women activists stand around the man pushing stabbing him in the back with knives while yelling "misogynist!".
This is absolutely true and is clearly taught as a rhetorical strategy in Women's Studies classes. When called out that the university's program is supposed to be ending sexual harassment, ALL sexual harassment....not just sexual harassment of women. The response is then that you need to build your own organizations to support men. My response...well...if men must build their own organizations then we clearly will need to defund all those organizations we ALL pay for that are only serving women since they clearly are NOT fulfilling their mission and are actually behaving in a discriminatory fashion. Can you guess the response, "You are MISOGYNIST!"
I think it is time men stopped playing the fool and begin making legal DEMANDS that any organization providing services to women MUST be matched in terms of staffing, funding and status by programs for men or the program must be terminated for violating equal rights. Ask the feminists what they are so afraid of...if women never commit harassment or make false accusations (yeah...RIGHT...now about the invoice for that bridge in Brooklyn...) if equal services start being provided to men?
You are right, Tom. Older charts like the ones I have doin’t list newer divisions, which are called “tweener” classes, and straw weight is one of them, I see. I have never heard it used. At amateur matches you never hear weight classes called out, just actual weights. If there is a belt at stake, it often goes by a name associated with a league or a club, even an age group. In the pros these things are different, since lots of boxing organizations and classes and titles. Every organization has its own traditions, it seems. Around here it is hard for coaches to get matches in the lighter categories. Just not enough small boys or girls ready to fight.
I agree completely with your main point about gynocentrism. But I have to question the premise that DV services have to be reserved for one sex/gender only.
Excluding men is almost a reflex for feminists, but in DV services it sends a very bad message that men are assumed to be violent & are treated as such. If there are female clients who aren't comfortable with men around, then pandering to their perjudice is surely not a good answer. Better to help them get over their prejudice rather than reinforce it.
I hope I didn't give the impression that I thought men should be excluded from DV services. That's opposite to what I believe and have spent a good deal of time on Capital Hill years ago trying to make that point. To very deaf ears!
Tom, I wanted you and readers to know about the following.. on one hand it hasn't changed anything but maybe things aren't going to plan as portrayed !!!
it's not the first time that the UN has been reported as having problems!!
UN activities in Geneva hampered by financial constraints (3 June 2024)
You cannot equate the two genders within such parameters. Men have four times the muscle mass that women do. Ten percent of murders are committed by women, and twenty percent of serial killers are female. Women and children are far more vulnerable to physical violence than men. Women historically have invested most of their energy into childcare and housekeeping. In the 1950's in some countries in Europe, a woman could not work once she married. So, over the millennia with what resources could women build anything, other than bodies to create children or trade with for survival. Birth control has changed much of this, but that is a very recent phenomenon in the scheme of things. If each individual behaved with respect and decency to each other, there would not be a problem. Women want to feel protected by men, it is innate, then they know their children will also be safe. Men of weak character cannot deliver, and they know it, leading to embittered projections. There are huge flaws in the feminist movement, but still women now dominate the medical field as more females enter medical colleges. I expect more empathy in an area that needs it. I am also in awe of all the men in history, regular men supporting their wives and big families (Catholicism prohibited birth control) on shoestring wages. They are my heroes, not the engineers and builders, but the engines behind the homemakers and the mouths needing food and shelter. Men for the most part have been amazing and shouldered herculean responsibilities and have done it without complaint for the most part.
Are you saying that men don't deserve services since they have more muscles and murder more people? Have you ever lobbied for services for women or for men? If so, can you compare the two? That is the focus of this brief post.
No, of course not. The article was vague on what services men are being denied. But it did go to the crux of the problem which is not a lack of female advocacy for men, but a lack of men's advocacy for each other. Once there is cohesion among men, the issue will gain momentum and women will support.
Both are problems. You are right that elitist men funded feminism, and turned their backs on "lesser",men, and that that is an ongoing problem. Also, very few women support men and male issues; most simply go along to get along with the feminist mantra.
Many women realize that the feminist agenda went too far, and women have lost the legitimacy of femininity. They have had to twist themselves to fit into a male paradigm that does not fit their sensibilities. However, women had to mobilize for themselves before they got traction in a world that had been dominated by men. I believe that men will have to get the ball rolling by themselves for themselves, and I do not believe they will be met with resistance by women, and they will in fact have additional support. It is still incumbent on men to fight for themselves at the outset. Communication is key to success.
You wrote: "......mobilize for themselves before they got traction in a world that had been dominated by men..."
The only men in a position of dominance were the ones at the top of the pile. The men in the middle and the bottom of the pile were no better off than average women. Now there are women at the top of the pile (in Congress) that could improve the situation for men, but they won't do that either. The vast majority of the women that speak up for men are the ones that have been personally impacted by misandry and gynocentrism: their sons have committed suicide, been destroyed in divorce courts, or are serving a prison sentence after being falsely accused of a crime.
Approximately three quarters of congress is made up of men. So, the momentum needs to start with men who have more power in government simply by winning the numbers game. If these issues are brought to light by men in power, the women in power are very likely to get on board.
"Women want to feel protected by men, it is innate, then they know their children will also be safe."
Children? Male victims of child sexual abuse were excluded from taxpayer funded mental health services for victims for decades in my country courtesy of feminism. Among such victims I'm one of the lucky ones...in my sixties and still alive.
Thanks for saying this Greg. It is important for people to know that males have indeed been excluded and that 1 in 6 males have experienced some form of sex abuse as children.
I don't know about this phenomenon, are you saying female victims of child sexual abuse were not excluded and male victims were? If that is true, you have my immediate advocacy. If that discrimination exists toward males but not females, it is outrageous and must be rectified. I don't blame you then for demanding justice. Is it even legal to discriminate against male sexual abuse survivors?
Yes, it is sad but true. Men are often victims of sex abuse as young boys but rarely find any help. A man's emotional pain is basically taboo in our culture while a woman's pain is a call to action. Men are victims of sex abuse and we have quite an industry to help women but almost nothing to help men. Read the men's stories on the 1in6.org site to get a sense of how this works. Men are nearly 50% of the victims of domestic violence but there is almost no services available for men. When these men go to the services they are either turned away, laughed at, or told they are the abusers.
I know men are commonly sexually abused, growing up in a Catholic country. Also, the Christian brothers were terribly violent toward young boys. I got walloped a couple of times by the nuns, but we didn't get beatings. Although I was subject to the most physical violence out of my siblings at home. Our window cleaner's brother was a pedophile, one of the worst in Europe and went on the run. Several friends were victims of incest as children. I have experienced and witnessed an enormous amount of physical violence. I remember my friend's father beating her brother up in front of me when he was about nine. I saw my aunt being thrown down the stairs, on and on.... But you are saying the support is absent for adult male victims. I had no idea. I would have thought there would be therapy groups, therapists, counselors, coaches that would focus on men's issues. Also, it seems it would be a career opportunity in the mental health industry. I signed up for the 1 in 6 to get more education on the subject. I had a friend for many years, and I knew something was off, I understood once his girlfriend told me he was molested as an altar boy. He was very angry she told me, and I am sure he feared I would have gossiped to other acquaintances, which I wouldn't dream of doing. It put a wedge between us. Secrets don't do us any favours except with unsafe people.
Sorry to hear you have experienced all of that trauma. Blessings. Think about what happens when you go and tell your story to a group of people. What response do you get? Now think of a man telling a similar story to the same group. What response does he get? I can tell you that in my experience the two are very different. A woman's pain is a call to action while a man's pain is taboo. Research is starting to understand this with studies on moral typecasting. https://menaregood.substack.com/p/understanding-men-10-moral-typecasting
I don't know about this phenomenon, are you saying female victims of child sexual abuse were not excluded and male victims were? If that is true, you have my immediate advocacy. If that discrimination exists toward males but not females, it is outrageous and must be rectified. I don't blame you then for demanding justice. Is it even legal to discriminate against male sexual abuse survivors?
"Is it even legal to discriminate against male sexual abuse survivors? "
Our anti discrimination laws have provision for "exemptions" which have been handed out like lollies to feminist and womens' organisations. Anybody looking to help boys and men specifically shouldn't hold their breath.
If the only form of domestic violence you consider is physical abuse then men appear to be the primary abusers. But what about the emotional abuse that doesn't leave visible bruises? Since women's emotional intelligence is greater than men's, doesn't it make sense that women will use emotional abuse (guilt, shame, innuendo, and gossip) to get what they want from men? And when women emotionally abuse men it leaves deep wounds that often never heal.
So, I think the problem is that we fail to measure emotional abuse and its impact on men.
Both men and women engage in emotional abuse toward each other. Humans are incredibly aggressive. I think men who are raised by narcissistic mothers, cold, hard or punitive mothers are at risk for attracting similar types of women in adulthood. If they find themselves with female abusers, they need to get out of the situation, and do the very, very hard work of uncovering their wounds to change the pattern. I think it is the personalities of partners that hold more sway than gender differences. There are many men in therapy working to heal from relationship abuse, which usually has its roots in childhood. I do think women are more inclined to enter therapy sooner than men, and that gives them an advantage.
Yes, of course, both men and women are capable of emotional abuse, just as both genders are capable of physical abuse. And men in emotionally abusive relationships need to leave the relationship, just as women in physically abusive relationships need to leave the relationship.
I think you've missed the nuance here. Men express aggression physically because they are physically stronger. Women express aggression emotionally because they are emotionally stronger.
We, as a society, focus on physical abuse and largely ignore emotional abuse. Can you imagine anyone setting up a shelter for emotionally abused men? There's certainly a need, but any man seeking such a shelter would be shamed by his mother, sisters, and girlfriend.
I don't believe women are emotionally stronger. "Women are diagnosed with affective disorders up to twice as frequently as men (Gater et al., 1998; Kessler et al., 1993). Women are up to three times more likely than men to develop major depressive disorder in response to a stressful event (Maciejewski, Prigerson, & Mazure, 2001) and show a greater number of severe depressive symptoms than men (Young, Fogg, Scheftner, Keller, & Fawcett, 1990). In addition, women have greater lifetime prevalence of social and specific phobias, other anxiety disorders (Wilhelm, Parker, & Hadzi-Pavlovic, 1997), and comorbid depression and anxiety (Gorman, 2006). " Shelters are stop gaps, to take women out of the potential harm of being killed or severely injured. You can't equate the two types of abuse. If a man is subject to emotional abuse, his life will not be at risk if he leaves the abuser. Vulnerable people end up homeless, no shelters provided long term. Ultimately, the man has to leave an emotionally abusive situation, and this takes strategy. Carefully planning finances to pay for a residence elsewhere. Maybe staying with friends or family for a period. Homeless shelters are not at all ideal, but available. When women with children leave violent men, they take their children with them, and they need immediate housing. It is much easier to stay with a friend if you do not have children in tow. When men leave, they usually do so independent of the children. So, there are many socio-economic differences to consider. Therapy is available for men and women, yet men do not avail of it to their own detriment. I encourage men to enter the path of healing, and there are therapists who charge on a sliding scale. There really is help out there. There are tons of books to help identify and break patterns, but professional help is sometimes essential. Again, there is help equally available to both genders, yet men choose far less than women to avail of therapy, why not?
"You can't equate the two types of abuse." I'm not equating the problems faced by men and women. Men and women are different as are their challenges. Both are important and both deserve attention. But when you approach gender dynamics from a feminist perspective you will only see evidence that reinforces your view that women are victims and men are oppressors. Your cognitive brain will reinterpret any contrary fact to support your worldview.
When I say women are emotionally stronger and so they choose to use emotional manipulation to express aggression, you counter that women are more subject to mental health issues to show that women are not emotionally stronger.
You are miss my point.
For women, "When competition escalates in intensity, it typically involves the use of indirect aggression such as reputational attack, stigmatization and exclusion." Stockley P, Campbell A. Female competition and aggression: interdisciplinary perspectives. Philos Trans R Soc Lond B Biol Sci. 2013 Oct 28.
The reason that feminism has stressed the victim stance of women, is because historically women were viewed as chattel. Men were never in that one down position unless they were enslaved. The scales are still not balanced in terms of power dynamics. However, not all men are oppressive, and not all women are exploitative. I don't think most women view men as being toxic, there is a sub population of bad apples. Toxic femininity would have a world view that blames all men as being problematic, but that is not realistic. And, again I don't think most women hold that world view. Perhaps, I am still missing your point, don't know.
"Who built the services for women?"
The rape crisis service in my town was created in the late seventies after a group of women, including two of my aunts, approached selected men and talked them into creating the service for them. One of those men, a solicitor, provided free legal legwork for the organisation for over forty years. For more than half of it's lifetime male victims were excluded from the service.
At the forty year celebration we ran an exercise in which everybody lined up according to how long they'd been involved. The three longest serving members were all male, the solicitor I mentioned, one of the counselors and myself as a volunteer/board member.
Thanks for saying this. The truth needs no prop.
Great graphics, Tom. It seems almost impossible to hold women responsible for anything in relation either to women or to men. As to who built what, I guess we need a presidential heavy-weight to answer "You didn't build that!"
Thanks Allen. We sure don't have a heavyweight at this point...straw-weight right???
At the most! I think lighter boxers are flyweight or bantamweight, Tom. Flyweight would work in the present case. Antweight would be good, too! At 135 lbs the designation is still neutral, lightweight--neutral-sounding, anyway, because we have heavyweight and middleweight above them. Then, under 135, we get into featherweight and other designations that have overtones, bantam weight and flyweight.
Isn't strawweight up to 105?
Men just need to stop letting toxic feminists get away with their blatant insanity!
I recommend MGTOW.
Leave them Completely ALONE until they come to their senses. It may take some years. It’s really the only way. Why?
“There are no victims. Only volunteers”. -Paul Elam AVFM
I would love to see this happen all at once. The awareness would skyrocket in short period. Men would be thought of as good. lol
Tom, Men don’t want that. Obviously.
Else they would have accomplished that already and therefore it’s really the men who allow and tacitly ENCOURAGE this insanity. Women start it and men allow it. Sounds like it’s insurmountable!
MGTOW is still the answer even for individuals.
The problem for men these days is you pay a steep price no matter which way you go. Totally agree that men have allowed this to happen. Sad truth.
Thx Tom.
Someone once said, “there are no feminists in a foxhole” and maybe with this coming war, and females being drafted, we will see if it’s true.
But even if men at that time decided to not help those toxic feminists (to give them a taste of their own medicine) they will still be blamed for not ‘stepping-up’ and helping the damsel in distress’ as men are only good for their utilitarian abilities. Stupid, stupid men for allowing this insanity to take hold!
Be well and thx for all you do for men and boys.
I can share several examples of this form of misandry from my personal experiences
Please do. Let me know if you need more space. It's the stories that wake people up.
Tom, I used to be Jewish. I walked away several years ago, when I realized that Jewish institutions have been captured by feminism. Lately, I have written to several Jewish organizations to point out the feminist frauds regarding domestic violence, but not one of them has written back.
Sadly Frank what you are saying is not a surprise to me. People are convinced of their own view of the world and facts be damned! It is a very odd situation.
You are right, Tom. Thank you.
I can understand this. A Jewish feminist would be like putting salt on anchovies. As an example, the Jewish statutes regarding marriage and intimacy. My very existence perhaps depended upon such a romantic gynocentric sonnet.
I need more space. But is writing the only platform? I am available for video conversations. And naturally don't mind inviting myself. I'll even throw in a song.
Another thought is that the cartoons are both incomplete. The cartoon of the woman's problems should show the me actively helping to push the cart down hill to assist the woman. The cartoon of the man facing the challenge should show a large number of woman pushing AGAINST the cart the man is pushing up hill while yelling "women's rights" while other women activists stand around the man pushing stabbing him in the back with knives while yelling "misogynist!".
Well said!
This is absolutely true and is clearly taught as a rhetorical strategy in Women's Studies classes. When called out that the university's program is supposed to be ending sexual harassment, ALL sexual harassment....not just sexual harassment of women. The response is then that you need to build your own organizations to support men. My response...well...if men must build their own organizations then we clearly will need to defund all those organizations we ALL pay for that are only serving women since they clearly are NOT fulfilling their mission and are actually behaving in a discriminatory fashion. Can you guess the response, "You are MISOGYNIST!"
I think it is time men stopped playing the fool and begin making legal DEMANDS that any organization providing services to women MUST be matched in terms of staffing, funding and status by programs for men or the program must be terminated for violating equal rights. Ask the feminists what they are so afraid of...if women never commit harassment or make false accusations (yeah...RIGHT...now about the invoice for that bridge in Brooklyn...) if equal services start being provided to men?
Indeed. We men need to stand up and speak our truth. It's way past time. Thanks for speaking yours!
You are right, Tom. Older charts like the ones I have doin’t list newer divisions, which are called “tweener” classes, and straw weight is one of them, I see. I have never heard it used. At amateur matches you never hear weight classes called out, just actual weights. If there is a belt at stake, it often goes by a name associated with a league or a club, even an age group. In the pros these things are different, since lots of boxing organizations and classes and titles. Every organization has its own traditions, it seems. Around here it is hard for coaches to get matches in the lighter categories. Just not enough small boys or girls ready to fight.
I must be really old! lol Thanks Allen.
I agree completely with your main point about gynocentrism. But I have to question the premise that DV services have to be reserved for one sex/gender only.
Excluding men is almost a reflex for feminists, but in DV services it sends a very bad message that men are assumed to be violent & are treated as such. If there are female clients who aren't comfortable with men around, then pandering to their perjudice is surely not a good answer. Better to help them get over their prejudice rather than reinforce it.
I hope I didn't give the impression that I thought men should be excluded from DV services. That's opposite to what I believe and have spent a good deal of time on Capital Hill years ago trying to make that point. To very deaf ears!
Tom, I wanted you and readers to know about the following.. on one hand it hasn't changed anything but maybe things aren't going to plan as portrayed !!!
it's not the first time that the UN has been reported as having problems!!
UN activities in Geneva hampered by financial constraints (3 June 2024)
https://www.swissinfo.ch/eng/international-geneva/united-nations-palais-des-nations-geneva-budget-crisis/79237405
The UN is highly anti-male. It might actually be a good thing for men if they went out of business.
It would be good for all of us if they went out of business... maybe we could save on tax... instead of paying for the UN...
You cannot equate the two genders within such parameters. Men have four times the muscle mass that women do. Ten percent of murders are committed by women, and twenty percent of serial killers are female. Women and children are far more vulnerable to physical violence than men. Women historically have invested most of their energy into childcare and housekeeping. In the 1950's in some countries in Europe, a woman could not work once she married. So, over the millennia with what resources could women build anything, other than bodies to create children or trade with for survival. Birth control has changed much of this, but that is a very recent phenomenon in the scheme of things. If each individual behaved with respect and decency to each other, there would not be a problem. Women want to feel protected by men, it is innate, then they know their children will also be safe. Men of weak character cannot deliver, and they know it, leading to embittered projections. There are huge flaws in the feminist movement, but still women now dominate the medical field as more females enter medical colleges. I expect more empathy in an area that needs it. I am also in awe of all the men in history, regular men supporting their wives and big families (Catholicism prohibited birth control) on shoestring wages. They are my heroes, not the engineers and builders, but the engines behind the homemakers and the mouths needing food and shelter. Men for the most part have been amazing and shouldered herculean responsibilities and have done it without complaint for the most part.
Are you saying that men don't deserve services since they have more muscles and murder more people? Have you ever lobbied for services for women or for men? If so, can you compare the two? That is the focus of this brief post.
No, of course not. The article was vague on what services men are being denied. But it did go to the crux of the problem which is not a lack of female advocacy for men, but a lack of men's advocacy for each other. Once there is cohesion among men, the issue will gain momentum and women will support.
Both are problems. You are right that elitist men funded feminism, and turned their backs on "lesser",men, and that that is an ongoing problem. Also, very few women support men and male issues; most simply go along to get along with the feminist mantra.
Many women realize that the feminist agenda went too far, and women have lost the legitimacy of femininity. They have had to twist themselves to fit into a male paradigm that does not fit their sensibilities. However, women had to mobilize for themselves before they got traction in a world that had been dominated by men. I believe that men will have to get the ball rolling by themselves for themselves, and I do not believe they will be met with resistance by women, and they will in fact have additional support. It is still incumbent on men to fight for themselves at the outset. Communication is key to success.
You wrote: "......mobilize for themselves before they got traction in a world that had been dominated by men..."
The only men in a position of dominance were the ones at the top of the pile. The men in the middle and the bottom of the pile were no better off than average women. Now there are women at the top of the pile (in Congress) that could improve the situation for men, but they won't do that either. The vast majority of the women that speak up for men are the ones that have been personally impacted by misandry and gynocentrism: their sons have committed suicide, been destroyed in divorce courts, or are serving a prison sentence after being falsely accused of a crime.
Approximately three quarters of congress is made up of men. So, the momentum needs to start with men who have more power in government simply by winning the numbers game. If these issues are brought to light by men in power, the women in power are very likely to get on board.
"Women want to feel protected by men, it is innate, then they know their children will also be safe."
Children? Male victims of child sexual abuse were excluded from taxpayer funded mental health services for victims for decades in my country courtesy of feminism. Among such victims I'm one of the lucky ones...in my sixties and still alive.
Thanks for saying this Greg. It is important for people to know that males have indeed been excluded and that 1 in 6 males have experienced some form of sex abuse as children.
I don't know about this phenomenon, are you saying female victims of child sexual abuse were not excluded and male victims were? If that is true, you have my immediate advocacy. If that discrimination exists toward males but not females, it is outrageous and must be rectified. I don't blame you then for demanding justice. Is it even legal to discriminate against male sexual abuse survivors?
Yes, it is sad but true. Men are often victims of sex abuse as young boys but rarely find any help. A man's emotional pain is basically taboo in our culture while a woman's pain is a call to action. Men are victims of sex abuse and we have quite an industry to help women but almost nothing to help men. Read the men's stories on the 1in6.org site to get a sense of how this works. Men are nearly 50% of the victims of domestic violence but there is almost no services available for men. When these men go to the services they are either turned away, laughed at, or told they are the abusers.
I know men are commonly sexually abused, growing up in a Catholic country. Also, the Christian brothers were terribly violent toward young boys. I got walloped a couple of times by the nuns, but we didn't get beatings. Although I was subject to the most physical violence out of my siblings at home. Our window cleaner's brother was a pedophile, one of the worst in Europe and went on the run. Several friends were victims of incest as children. I have experienced and witnessed an enormous amount of physical violence. I remember my friend's father beating her brother up in front of me when he was about nine. I saw my aunt being thrown down the stairs, on and on.... But you are saying the support is absent for adult male victims. I had no idea. I would have thought there would be therapy groups, therapists, counselors, coaches that would focus on men's issues. Also, it seems it would be a career opportunity in the mental health industry. I signed up for the 1 in 6 to get more education on the subject. I had a friend for many years, and I knew something was off, I understood once his girlfriend told me he was molested as an altar boy. He was very angry she told me, and I am sure he feared I would have gossiped to other acquaintances, which I wouldn't dream of doing. It put a wedge between us. Secrets don't do us any favours except with unsafe people.
Sorry to hear you have experienced all of that trauma. Blessings. Think about what happens when you go and tell your story to a group of people. What response do you get? Now think of a man telling a similar story to the same group. What response does he get? I can tell you that in my experience the two are very different. A woman's pain is a call to action while a man's pain is taboo. Research is starting to understand this with studies on moral typecasting. https://menaregood.substack.com/p/understanding-men-10-moral-typecasting
I don't know about this phenomenon, are you saying female victims of child sexual abuse were not excluded and male victims were? If that is true, you have my immediate advocacy. If that discrimination exists toward males but not females, it is outrageous and must be rectified. I don't blame you then for demanding justice. Is it even legal to discriminate against male sexual abuse survivors?
"Is it even legal to discriminate against male sexual abuse survivors? "
Our anti discrimination laws have provision for "exemptions" which have been handed out like lollies to feminist and womens' organisations. Anybody looking to help boys and men specifically shouldn't hold their breath.
It needs to change desperately then. We are all so traumatized and need support.
Yes, and . . .
If the only form of domestic violence you consider is physical abuse then men appear to be the primary abusers. But what about the emotional abuse that doesn't leave visible bruises? Since women's emotional intelligence is greater than men's, doesn't it make sense that women will use emotional abuse (guilt, shame, innuendo, and gossip) to get what they want from men? And when women emotionally abuse men it leaves deep wounds that often never heal.
So, I think the problem is that we fail to measure emotional abuse and its impact on men.
Both men and women engage in emotional abuse toward each other. Humans are incredibly aggressive. I think men who are raised by narcissistic mothers, cold, hard or punitive mothers are at risk for attracting similar types of women in adulthood. If they find themselves with female abusers, they need to get out of the situation, and do the very, very hard work of uncovering their wounds to change the pattern. I think it is the personalities of partners that hold more sway than gender differences. There are many men in therapy working to heal from relationship abuse, which usually has its roots in childhood. I do think women are more inclined to enter therapy sooner than men, and that gives them an advantage.
Yes, of course, both men and women are capable of emotional abuse, just as both genders are capable of physical abuse. And men in emotionally abusive relationships need to leave the relationship, just as women in physically abusive relationships need to leave the relationship.
I think you've missed the nuance here. Men express aggression physically because they are physically stronger. Women express aggression emotionally because they are emotionally stronger.
We, as a society, focus on physical abuse and largely ignore emotional abuse. Can you imagine anyone setting up a shelter for emotionally abused men? There's certainly a need, but any man seeking such a shelter would be shamed by his mother, sisters, and girlfriend.
I don't believe women are emotionally stronger. "Women are diagnosed with affective disorders up to twice as frequently as men (Gater et al., 1998; Kessler et al., 1993). Women are up to three times more likely than men to develop major depressive disorder in response to a stressful event (Maciejewski, Prigerson, & Mazure, 2001) and show a greater number of severe depressive symptoms than men (Young, Fogg, Scheftner, Keller, & Fawcett, 1990). In addition, women have greater lifetime prevalence of social and specific phobias, other anxiety disorders (Wilhelm, Parker, & Hadzi-Pavlovic, 1997), and comorbid depression and anxiety (Gorman, 2006). " Shelters are stop gaps, to take women out of the potential harm of being killed or severely injured. You can't equate the two types of abuse. If a man is subject to emotional abuse, his life will not be at risk if he leaves the abuser. Vulnerable people end up homeless, no shelters provided long term. Ultimately, the man has to leave an emotionally abusive situation, and this takes strategy. Carefully planning finances to pay for a residence elsewhere. Maybe staying with friends or family for a period. Homeless shelters are not at all ideal, but available. When women with children leave violent men, they take their children with them, and they need immediate housing. It is much easier to stay with a friend if you do not have children in tow. When men leave, they usually do so independent of the children. So, there are many socio-economic differences to consider. Therapy is available for men and women, yet men do not avail of it to their own detriment. I encourage men to enter the path of healing, and there are therapists who charge on a sliding scale. There really is help out there. There are tons of books to help identify and break patterns, but professional help is sometimes essential. Again, there is help equally available to both genders, yet men choose far less than women to avail of therapy, why not?
"You can't equate the two types of abuse." I'm not equating the problems faced by men and women. Men and women are different as are their challenges. Both are important and both deserve attention. But when you approach gender dynamics from a feminist perspective you will only see evidence that reinforces your view that women are victims and men are oppressors. Your cognitive brain will reinterpret any contrary fact to support your worldview.
When I say women are emotionally stronger and so they choose to use emotional manipulation to express aggression, you counter that women are more subject to mental health issues to show that women are not emotionally stronger.
You are miss my point.
For women, "When competition escalates in intensity, it typically involves the use of indirect aggression such as reputational attack, stigmatization and exclusion." Stockley P, Campbell A. Female competition and aggression: interdisciplinary perspectives. Philos Trans R Soc Lond B Biol Sci. 2013 Oct 28.
The reason that feminism has stressed the victim stance of women, is because historically women were viewed as chattel. Men were never in that one down position unless they were enslaved. The scales are still not balanced in terms of power dynamics. However, not all men are oppressive, and not all women are exploitative. I don't think most women view men as being toxic, there is a sub population of bad apples. Toxic femininity would have a world view that blames all men as being problematic, but that is not realistic. And, again I don't think most women hold that world view. Perhaps, I am still missing your point, don't know.