I have an idea. All women register with a service like Uber, but instead of driving distance, it measures “emotional labor.” And before women start toiling, such as listening to their kids when the bird died, they activate the app, and it automatically hits the man’s account, and he pays for this “labor” by the minute directly from his bank account.
There can also be a biometric angle — she puts her fingers on the glass of her phone and it measures the intensity of the “labor” and there is a surcharge. Also, if she is pregnant and “goes into labor,” she should be paid extra. But if she is given an epidural, the fee does not go down. There is actually an upcharge.
Also this “mental load” bullshit is a direct outgrowth of “the personal is political” a la Redstockings Collective and Carol Hanisch. No matter what, it’s political. Everything from the dirty dishes to voter registration.
I once mixed it up with her…on the topic of masturbation. (She lives not far from me and I always write to these people if I can find them.)
My angle was, if the personal is so political, then masturbation is the most political sex of all. She refuted this, essentially claiming, no, it’s just jilling off. Then I wrote to Betty Dodson and accidentally copied in Hanisch, and said, “She doesn’t even understand her own theory.” It was a great mini-moment in feminist history.
Last fall I wrote a letter to the author of a Washington Post article about "emotional labor", aka "mental load" (https://stephenbond.substack.com/p/a-letter-to-post-contributor-rose?utm_source=publication-search). I quoted one reddit commenter who aptly summarized this made-up condition: “When you have to make up new concepts to describe the way that you're actually a victim, you're pretty much making it clear that your life isn't all that bad.”
That feminists will make such absurd claims with a straight face is more proof that feminism has long since lost its way.
Great conversation from all of you! Once things become adversarial instead of collaborative, the resentment becomes the issue. Unfortunately, journaling was what we were prescribed. I used to commute for about 3hrs a day and was told I was lucky to have the ‘me time’.
But there's no going back to women being at home and taking the home responsibility. It's unaffordable for most people. Not working can be disadvantageous for women if he is a womaniser, a drunk, a gambler or violent.
This is a rendition from these three people of the fascist ideal of women in the kitchen with the kids.
I have been that woman. Birthing at home, breastfeeding for three years and growing food and cooking a healthy diet. I home educated them and I loved it. It was the happiest time of my life.
Unfortunately my husband was drinking and driving, ended up in prison and generally being irresponsible.
Now he is brain damaged from a stroke and I'm taking the physical and mental load for two lives. You bet I'm not happy and I'm resentful for sure. I have a diary with every day filled in so I can remember what the fuck we're doing. He doesn't own a diary.
I'd be Andrew Tate's sex slave if it meant I didn't have to make another decision and he did the driving.
Hi Juliette. It sounds like you’ve had a really rough time of it and I hope you find strength and courage to do what you need to do. I’m happy for your children, that they enjoyed the immense benefit of having a stay at home mother dedicated enough to make that sacrifice for them. There will always be bad people, women and men alike, we must do all in our power to choose a mate that will put the health and well being of the family first, like women should. I read stories like yours in the comment section time and again, and I wish women would manage to divorce the existence of some bad people with the entire concept of prioritizing the children’s needs - namely being present for them - over the risk that might mean to us in the future. Women must learn to better see where our own actions have contributed to carving out the path we find ourselves on.
No going back? Have to disagree there. Sort of. There are lots of ways to do this. My wife and I both went part time and this allowed us to have a parent at home for much of the time for our very young children. Did we have to budget carefully and not buy expensive stuff? yup. But did we have as you say "the happiest time of our lives?" Yup. An d the children benefitted to the max.
So sorry to hear about your husband and all the difficulties and kudos to you for all you do.
I have an idea. All women register with a service like Uber, but instead of driving distance, it measures “emotional labor.” And before women start toiling, such as listening to their kids when the bird died, they activate the app, and it automatically hits the man’s account, and he pays for this “labor” by the minute directly from his bank account.
There can also be a biometric angle — she puts her fingers on the glass of her phone and it measures the intensity of the “labor” and there is a surcharge. Also, if she is pregnant and “goes into labor,” she should be paid extra. But if she is given an epidural, the fee does not go down. There is actually an upcharge.
Indeed. The running meter for women's hardships never stops running. Men should pay!
Also this “mental load” bullshit is a direct outgrowth of “the personal is political” a la Redstockings Collective and Carol Hanisch. No matter what, it’s political. Everything from the dirty dishes to voter registration.
I once mixed it up with her…on the topic of masturbation. (She lives not far from me and I always write to these people if I can find them.)
My angle was, if the personal is so political, then masturbation is the most political sex of all. She refuted this, essentially claiming, no, it’s just jilling off. Then I wrote to Betty Dodson and accidentally copied in Hanisch, and said, “She doesn’t even understand her own theory.” It was a great mini-moment in feminist history.
Last fall I wrote a letter to the author of a Washington Post article about "emotional labor", aka "mental load" (https://stephenbond.substack.com/p/a-letter-to-post-contributor-rose?utm_source=publication-search). I quoted one reddit commenter who aptly summarized this made-up condition: “When you have to make up new concepts to describe the way that you're actually a victim, you're pretty much making it clear that your life isn't all that bad.”
That feminists will make such absurd claims with a straight face is more proof that feminism has long since lost its way.
Well said. The worst is that most people believe them. What a mess.
My wife does way more planning than me. But if I plan she disagrees and then replans. So I don’t plan. A lot of women like little details.
Indeed!
Great conversation from all of you! Once things become adversarial instead of collaborative, the resentment becomes the issue. Unfortunately, journaling was what we were prescribed. I used to commute for about 3hrs a day and was told I was lucky to have the ‘me time’.
But there's no going back to women being at home and taking the home responsibility. It's unaffordable for most people. Not working can be disadvantageous for women if he is a womaniser, a drunk, a gambler or violent.
This is a rendition from these three people of the fascist ideal of women in the kitchen with the kids.
I have been that woman. Birthing at home, breastfeeding for three years and growing food and cooking a healthy diet. I home educated them and I loved it. It was the happiest time of my life.
Unfortunately my husband was drinking and driving, ended up in prison and generally being irresponsible.
Now he is brain damaged from a stroke and I'm taking the physical and mental load for two lives. You bet I'm not happy and I'm resentful for sure. I have a diary with every day filled in so I can remember what the fuck we're doing. He doesn't own a diary.
I'd be Andrew Tate's sex slave if it meant I didn't have to make another decision and he did the driving.
Hi Juliette. It sounds like you’ve had a really rough time of it and I hope you find strength and courage to do what you need to do. I’m happy for your children, that they enjoyed the immense benefit of having a stay at home mother dedicated enough to make that sacrifice for them. There will always be bad people, women and men alike, we must do all in our power to choose a mate that will put the health and well being of the family first, like women should. I read stories like yours in the comment section time and again, and I wish women would manage to divorce the existence of some bad people with the entire concept of prioritizing the children’s needs - namely being present for them - over the risk that might mean to us in the future. Women must learn to better see where our own actions have contributed to carving out the path we find ourselves on.
No going back? Have to disagree there. Sort of. There are lots of ways to do this. My wife and I both went part time and this allowed us to have a parent at home for much of the time for our very young children. Did we have to budget carefully and not buy expensive stuff? yup. But did we have as you say "the happiest time of our lives?" Yup. An d the children benefitted to the max.
So sorry to hear about your husband and all the difficulties and kudos to you for all you do.